Kiwi Quirks enjoyed by an SA Ex-Pat.

      

   
'As Quirky as Kiwi'                                                   


 Eve Hemming

Exactly three years later and I’m still alive, well and living in New Zealand. (The Maori name is Aotearoa ). Auckland, where I live, is a sprawling city where almost half the entire country’s population reside. Auckie’s a ‘global village’ in its own right, with inhabitants from many cultural backgrounds calling it ‘home’.

This gives one the latitude to express one’s own identity, with the full spectrum from conservative & conventional through to more‘off the wall’. Anything goes regarding hair length. It can be regular through to dreadlocks and ponytails or bald with a long beard for blokes; and blokes like wearing caps and beanies, too. Women enjoy wearing layers, especially in cold weather and they refer to any new colour range as 'the new black'.  Kiwis are also tattoo mad !

Kids, too, are permitted some imaginative latitude. And quite a few junior schools are civvy schools.
  



The ‘pants off the ground’ adolescent boys’ style does not cut it for this gran! But some of the fashions are divine. Makes me want to be A SASSY 20 again ! Though I still enjoy my bit of 'mature flair' and love fingerless gloves in the Winter!   

  NZ is bound by The Treaty of Waitangi, which makes it unique with a Bi-cultural society – defined by Maori and everyone else, (referred to as ‘The Crown’); the majority being Pakeha (NZ Europeans), Pasifikas (People who hail from the Pacific Islands) or Asian. One soon learns to assimilate Maori words, phrases and customs into one’s repertoire. One has a powhiri when inducted into an organisation and meetings commence and end with a karakia or a waita (prayer or song). 

In the same way that others can’t always understand how we South Africans tick; one can’t always fathom the Kiwi head space. Kiwis seem to have paradoxical persona's – some seem quite reserved, and others have an outrageous sense of humour. One area where we can all take a leaf from the Kiwi’s book is their unprejudiced stance about disability, or anything unusual from the norm. Kiwis are PC, big -hearted, generous and compassionate. There’re always exceptions to the rule, but these are the Kiwis I’ve seen and worked with. This also applies to the education system, where many children with disabilities are accommodated in mainstream schools (Inclusive Education). We can also all take a leaf out of their book about DIY, hard work at the 'coal face', equity and egalitarianism. Women drive buses and operate forklifts and the ‘postie’ could well be married to a brain surgeon. Also people often refer to their spouse as 'my partner'... which can be pretty confusing pertaining to the gender of the partner. 

Ensuring that a country of only 4.5 million functions highly efficiently, every i has to be dotted, every t crossed and every $ accounted for. Kiwis are strict on safety regulations - one can’t staple together a parcel, as it could hurt the ‘postie’s’ fingers, and tough blokes wear earmuffs when operating anything from a lawnmower to massive machinery. There is also ZERO tolerance about rule breaking.
The lingo still entertains and baffles me. You 'shout' a mate a coffee and you 'gift' someone. If you’re comical, you’re called a ‘dag’. ‘Naff off’ is get lost, ‘flash’ is good and a ‘hissy fit’ is a tantrum, while ‘get off the grass’ means stop pulling my leg! If you’re happy, you’re ‘a box of birds’, an idiot fast driver is a ‘hoon’ and anything awesome is ‘sweet as’. And you never say goodbye, just ‘see ya later’ - even to strangers. 


And best not to ‘root’ for anyone. It has a sexual connotation I discovered the other day.

Kiwi adverts are raunchy and hilarious from 'Novis show us your crack' for a cracked windscreen advert to 'Miss Muffet's revenge' and 'Bugger off' for spider and bug repellant. A company that has a battery charging rescue vehicle is called 'Jump Me' and a notable golf club's advert is 'Come and wack your balls...'

Kiwis love tattoos, motorbikes, wine and beer, extreme cars with immense engines and exhaust pipes, rugby, netball and coffee. There’s a ‘coffee to go’ on every corner. They’re self-confessed coffee gourmets with a vast array to choose from in small to giant soup- bowl sized. Kiwis also love personalised number plates and it entertains me every day. One car number plate surprised me - it said
 ' Hi Jack'.

 Kiwis are animal mad. Dogs trail along to every park, beach or 
outdoor function, the owner taking a ‘poop bag’ along to scoop 
up any evidence. 


Last year they had a state funeral for Mocha, 
the amiable dolphin from Gisborne, 
who  used to frolic in the ocean with 
the locals. And recently they 
rescued ‘Happy Feet’ the 
Emperor Penguin, who has
been operated on and will 
be returned to the Antarctic
once he has 
fully rehabilitated.

It’s astounding the way Kiwis go through winter; some in sandals and T shirts, while I’m donned in jacket and scarf. They’re fitness fanatics (Aside from the hefty ones and the smokers). You see parents jogging, pushing their toddlers in pushchairs though the drizzle. Come Summer, Kiwis go even wilder; embracing the elements, swimming, sharing fish and chips on the beach, sailing, and just celebrating a hundred ‘crazy as’ Kiwi ways. 

KIWI SLANG WORDS  Aussie           Australian		jack up	to arrange something
across the ditch	Australia	kai	food (from the Maori word for eating)
biscuit	cookie	Kiwi	New Zealander
bloke	man	kiwi	NZ flightless native bird
brassed off	disappointed, annoyed	kiwi/kiwifruit	chinese gooseberry
chippie	potato chip	“ladies, a plate”	please bring a dish of food to share
chocka	full	long drop	outdoor toilet built over a hole in ground
cocky, cow-cocky	dairy farmer	mate	buddy, close friend
chook	chicken	metal road	a gravel road surface
college	high school	milo	hot chocolate drink
corker!	great!	motorway	freeway
crib	small holiday home in Southland	Nana	grandmother
crook	sick, poorly	nappy	diaper
dairy	mini supermarket / convenience store	OE	[acronym] Overseas Experience
dole	unemployment benefit	Oz	Australia
dreaded lurgy	cold or flu	pakeha	non-Maori person
ding	minor accident, car damage	pav	pavlova, NZ iconic dessert
gander	take a look	pudding	dessert
Godzone	New Zealand	pushing up daisies	dead/buried
flat stick, flat tack	as fast as possible	rough as guts	unpolished
flog	steal	shark and taties	fish and chips
fortnight	two consecutive weeks	she'll be right	everything will be ok
half pie	half heartedly, poorly performed	smoko	break, rest period
hangi	traditional Maori earth oven	suss	figure something out
hard case	joker, comedian, witty person	ute	utility vehicle, small pickup truck
hard yakka	hard work	whinge	complain
heaps	a lot	wobbly	throw a tantrum
hooray	goodbye	wop wops	isolated area of land
hottie	hot water bottle